


If Only

by JaneyKatherineHummingbird



Series: Rare Pairs For The Win [21]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, F/M, Female James T. Kirk, Genderswap, Into Darkness angst, Pike Lives, Pirk, Sad Chris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 05:31:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14537709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneyKatherineHummingbird/pseuds/JaneyKatherineHummingbird
Summary: Chris grieves for Jim. Yet another Into Darkness angst fest, this time on the Pirky side.





	If Only

“Damn, Jim! When I dared you to do better this is NOT what I meant!” 

Christopher Pike was staring down at the dead body of his brilliant and troublesome protege, thoughts whirling in an anguished circle. 

Of course she’d done what she needed to do to save the ship, he wouldn’t expect anything else from her, but at such a cost.......he couldn’t begin to process it. 

Jim lay there, half inside the body bag she’d arrived in Medbay in, pale and still, multiple bruises covering her face and messy blonde hair falling out of its normally tidy bun. The room was deathly silent as the other patients and staff solemnly paid respect to their fallen captain. 

Across from Chris, McCoy looked utterly stricken, tears welling up in his eyes and lips visibly trembling. He’d never seen the man like that before, but he deeply sympathized. He was having a hard enough time keeping his own composure. Admiral Pike looked stern and tight-jawed, Chris was breaking apart inside.

“Jim.....” 

He’d never even fathomed this happening, even with as risky as Jim lived. She’d always defied death before, so he’d subconsciously began to believe she was invincible.

Her nine lives had run out, unfortunately. No human being could survive the dose of radiation she’d been exposed to in the warp core. The pain she must have been in in those last minutes, he didn’t want to even think about. If he did, he’d probably end up putting his fist through a wall and make more work for the already overtaxed medical crew. 

He should have told her how much she meant to him. He should have told her he was proud of her more. He should have told her.......No, he shouldn’t have, but he wished he had anyway. 

He heard Scott choke back a sob, staring down at his captain miserably. All around the room, both the medical staff and crew in the midst of being treated looked devastated, many openly crying. Jim’s crew worshipped her, that was plain to see and she’d proven her devotion to them by making the ultimate sacrifice. He bitterly regretted those scathing words he’d said to her about not respecting the chair. He’d known better, but the anger over how she’d lied on the report about Nibiru had had him too riled up at the time. 

He forced himself to look down at her again. She looked peaceful, but ghostly white and there was a cut on her cheek that vaguely resembled the Starfleet logo. How painfully appropriate. If she’d lived, they would have had a great joke about it. 

He felt the painful lump of grief in his throat growing larger and knew he had to get out of there before he made a scene and cursed Marcus and Khan to the depths of hell, or broke down completely. McCoy would have to declare her dead and do the autopsy, poor guy. Chris didn’t envy him one bit. 

Lifting a shaking hand, he ran it down her cold cheek. 

“I’m so sorry, Jim,” he said hoarsely. “You didn’t deserve this. I’m proud of you, though. I’ll make sure they remember you for the person you were, not just the last ten minutes. I’ll miss you, kid.” 

His voice broke and he turned around and strode out of that room of death, returning to the bridge to supervise the hunt for Khan. He would make him pay dearly for this. 

He was too wrapped up in his pain and anger to notice the sudden commotion as Leonard McCoy heard a Tribble coo.


End file.
